Friday, February 6, 2015
Lies in a Relationship
In class today was raised a question as to, "who would tell their fiancé on the night before their wedding if they had an affair that took place several years before?" I think that we would all say no because we don't want to hurt the other person. Where as this is a reasonable answer I believe that if the person asked you the question you should be honest, careful, and be prepared for the utmost worst scenario. To begin with I think you should tell the person as soon as possible of the mistake that you made. Now some people may say that you should use the honest lie so as to not hurt the other person but with this you run the risk of two things. First you run the risk of hurting the person even more down the road if and when they find out that you cheated because it will come out eventually. Second even if you do manage to pull of the charade of being faithful you will always be in terror worrying about when your spouse will find out and kicking yourself for not telling them the truth to begin with. Now does this honesty mean the end of your relationship perhaps, but a relationship should be made strong through honesty. In a relationship that is full of lies and guilt is one that will not last or be happy. Instead you should be able to talk to your spouse honestly about the mistakes you made in the past as well as having your spouse have the same relationship with you. But I do think that this topic should be brought up only once and that the mistake should be made only once. Now concerning the scenario in which the person breaks up the relationship I believe that you will have to live with this punishment because it is a fitting punishment. But the relationship could grow stronger if in fact it does survive this trial because where the perpetrator could not be trusted for some time if he/she where the ones to confess willingly and ask for forgiveness the other person should listen and if reasonable give forgivness.
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I think if you did cheat years ago, and if it was a one time thing and you feel like crap about it then you should not tell your spouse. there is a very high chance that they will be very hurt and break up with you. Your punishment is living with the guilt, but I do not think you should hurt your partner.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Patrick on this subject, living with the guilt is possibly the worst punishment for the man's mistake. But take into consideration why he might've cheated in the first place (there could be many scenarios) in which the relationship could've not been serious or strong enough for polygamy, or the man was stuck in his own insecurities to need satisfaction with sex that maybe the female wouldn't provide him with. The main point was that the affair was years ago and is in the past. So there is no real reason as to why we should dig up dead bones, it will only create unhappiness, stress and worry which wont help the relationship flourish it will only stunt it's growth. In conclusion, if the affair was years ago and the man has learned from his mistakes and has ceased his infidelity than there should be no problem, this way he avoids witty comments and revenge and unhappiness headed his way.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with Patrick. Look at it through the other person's eyes. You think you're marrying a person that would never hurt you or lie to you, but they're harboring a major secret. The entire marriage would be a sham because you made a vow to be honest and you're already breaking that vow right after you say it. My dad always says that if you are doing something bad and you tell me the truth I'll be mad, but not as much as if you lie to me and I find out. The point is to just tell the truth. If you leaves you for it then that's on him or her. They can't deal with it, but don't torture yourself with guilt for the rest of your life.
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